Sunday, April 25, 2010

Who am I?

I miss my old old friends

Even though at those moments, I didnt appreciate much

But the fact that I never see one person that I cared so much about anymore

Breaks me into bits making me say to myself

What if I saved him

... But he could only save himself

But the others, where did they go too?

People take me the wrong way, but I know that is my fault

I think I am someone that I'm not, but I don't think I'm someone that I am.

So who am I?

I used to have that stabalized group of friends that reminded me of who I was

And who I was proud to be.

There was never that bottomless feeling of nothing

But now they've dispersed and, I dont even know how I will continue

And it frightens me knowing that it may stay this way

But every inch of hope in me hopes it won't.

Every day is a constant reminder of why I wish i could sleep in through the day

Because at least dreaming can put a smile on my face

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

AAND... the big toss up. 

Monday, March 15, 2010

Finally the sun came

is  a day. 
I feel as if I got the world in my hands. 
It's one of those days that gets me through the bad ones
Because I know,
I sometimes,
every once in a while,
fall asleep with a smile on my face. 
But i know the clock is ticking until all seems to fall
So I'm holding on to these moments as long as I possibly can. 

I think it might just be the changing season

Tuesday, February 23, 2010


I am breaking apart every single day
And the only way I could be fixed
is to be welded back together. 
Crazy glue doesn't last too long on this skin. 
Lately it's been me against the world
when every day I face another breaking news story.

Did you hear any of the words my breath struggled to tell you? 
Or did you think i'd forgotten my own feelings?
Obviously, love is hard to erase
Out of all people, you should know.
But I guess you are free to call me out 
on never really holding that love in my own hands
I just held it in that knotted muscle called a heart. 
So if you wanna dance to his tune
Go right ahead
But when I lay under the night sky
and I see you dancing on the stars
it will bring me down below the ground
So I can be reminded once again
that me and my best friend are polar opposites.
She's the consistent winner
Im the consistent loser. 

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Dream upon mine.

I sat there in the doorway. It was winter but the breeze felt good. Her cigarette smoke rudely blew in my face, but I didn't mind. This feeling brought me back to my grandfathers house on the lake. I used to visit him in the summer. We'd sit around the table and play cards. The screen door let the wind sift into the kitchen and pass through. My grandpa would be on his 10th cigarette. Inside i'd cry because children hate to see their grandfather's getting closer to death. It's been about 5 years since my grandfather died. I haven't been to his house on the lake ever since. But I will always keep the memories, the smells, everything with me forever. Oh, what i'd do to relive those days. And now, living in my own days. And everything around me seems so worthless. Getting closer to death isn't as big as a deal. "Everyone dies someday" They say. And I think in my mind- someday might just be too soon. But what's the point of living a longer life less-lived? You picture your dream- and then you remember you have to work hard to get there. And then realize- Working hard doesn't always do you good... because there's people like me who quit upon rejection. The girl with the cigarette laughs- "Hah! Rejection? You're only 18! You have many more years to live, where you'll realize there's more to life than this. You just got to wait for people to catch up to your maturity." "Wait?" i think. "Who wants to wait! Why not live now?" My life is on minimum repeat, and something must be done. How long can a person sit there and watch life pass by because its just "Not their time". But No one wants to listen. Because I was the chosen one to be the listener. No I can not communicate well on paper but I can speak and alter peoples minds with my words of wisdom, when they are vulnerable. So I sit there drinking my coffee, listening to someone's fascinating life, as I dream upon mine. 

Work hard - get nothing.

I need to be fixed. 
Everyday a new reason comes around
to just chip another bit of me away. 

I thought I'd be all patched up
But nothings ever as planned. 

It's not a sick mind,
But my surroundings-
They keep me confined in this room
Reminding me I have this blank page so far. 

Every mans nightmare.
to be a lonely failure.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Who wants to help me complete this list?

Green = Seen it! 

The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
The Dark Knight
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers

Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Shrek 2
Jurassic Park
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Spider-Man 3

Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Finding Nemo

Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Independence Day
Shrek the Third
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
The Lion King
Spider-Man 2

Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
The Da Vinci Code
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
The Matrix Reloaded
The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Forrest Gump
The Sixth Sense
Ice Age: The Meltdown
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones
Kung Fu Panda
The Incredibles
The Lost World: Jurassic Park
The Passion of the Christ
Mamma Mia!
Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa
Casino Royale
War of the Worlds

Men in Black
Quantum of Solace
I Am Legend
Iron Man
Night at the Museum
King Kong (2005)

Mission: Impossible II
The Day After Tomorrow
Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back
The Simpsons Movie
Monsters, Inc.

Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Meet the Fockers

Angels & Demons
Toy Story 2
Bruce Almighty

Saving Private Ryan
Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Home Alone
Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
The Matrix

Pretty Woman
The Hangover

X-Men: The Last Stand
Mission: Impossible
National Treasure: Book of Secrets
The Last Samurai
Ocean’s Eleven
Pearl Harbor

The Bourne Ultimatum
Men in Black II
Mrs. Doubtfire
The Exorcist