Wednesday, November 26, 2008

My Passion in Action.

So i came across this free video download on itunes, ("Beautiful Ones" by Suede), which pretty much explained my passion for film. The music video industry is one of the things i want to get into, because there can be so much meaning and art that goes into a 2 or 3 minute music video. 
After seeing the video "Word disassociation" by Neil Cicierega, I sort of saw how a lot of effort can really be put into a music vid., and since then i have been WAITING for someone (more professional of course) to create a music video that has the same "genius" jist to it. 
Now i believe this song is actually quite old. The vocals arent the best either, but i can say they sound pretty original (or more like.. unique) as a band... and to be honest I know absolutely no history of this band or song at all. But the main thing that caught my eye was the art direction of this video. I really liked it... and I could say it's much like MY style in a way. Hopefully someday I can create something as artistic as this. Now... maybe you don't really think its all that amazing, well thats because i really look into things much different than most people. For instance, when people saw the movie "Twilight", a majority of them HATED it and said it was "nothing like the book"... And the other half LOVED it and said "EDWARD IS A SEXGOD!" ...Okay, well i came out of that movie not focusing on those aspects of the movie, but focusing on, "Wow! That art direction was so amazing!". Thats where i know this is my passion. The unique things are my favorite. And every time i see something new and extreme in a music video... I can really fall into the song and the picture and feel my passion in action.  

*If anyone knows of any music videos that would be good for me to study, HOLLER. I'd love to hear/watch! 

Sunday, November 23, 2008

C'mon boy...

Hit me with your best shot. 

So i never thought i'd say this. 
But I'm here with a semi open mind... 
so lets just roll out the rug and see how dirty it can get. 
Im through with waiting for nothing,
So loosely sway around my way
as If i could hear the words you can perfectly say
Lets just see what you can do. 

Saturday, November 22, 2008

So i've never been so alone

Last night... hung out with myself
Today... went to go see twilight by myself
Tonight... ate dinner by myself

I've been by myself this whole weekend so far
People keep asking me if I'm depressed..
no, I'm not...  but there is something triggering this...
I've been having headaches every single day. 
and i seem to be gazing off into my own world lately.
at school... i just sit there. the lectures just fly right by. 
For some reason I'm longing for things i cant have,
but avoiding the things i can easily have.
What's wrong with me?
Im so strange. 

Wednesday, November 19, 2008


but yet; sometimes it may seem as you have that perfect life for a moment
but then the world just happens to turn around. 
The things that are considered "Perfect" to you... you can't have. 
     I've never been one who has too many "Wants" or "Needs"
Im just here. Living life through water, music, food, and friends. 
I tend to seize any possible moment that I enjoy, which i think is the reason for my happiness. 
But then when i look back and think of what's on the other side of the wall between reality and "lalaland" (Literally), it squeezes my happiness out like a sponge and just makes me worry. And thats my weakness. i seem to worry too much. Like right now i worry that I'm just setting myself up for breaking someone, and also setting myself up for breaking myself. - - my mind hasn't left that issue for a while now and its sort of taking over.
     Impossible is not a word in my dictionary, which can be a problem sometimes. I never really let go of some things, or some one, that i really long for. 
so what i just try to tell myself : I think i'll just wait and see

Monday, November 17, 2008

Wow. i haven't posted in a while... well I got a new twitter and its I find myself updating it constantly. So check it out! 

Ill post something later. right now theres too much on my tired mind. 

Thursday, November 6, 2008


So tomorrow i head off to Kairos...
Don't know where it is
Don't know who's going
Don't know what's gonna happen
Don't know what my schedule is
Won't know what time it is
Won't know what's happening beyond the walls of this place

Im really excited... yet a bit scared

I hope I'm not expecting too much, because all i hear is how it's so amazing. 
Well I'm just glad i'll be spending my time there with my sister and cousin =]. 

What happens this weekend can change my life, or make my life remain the same... who knows. 

And I'm excited for when I come back, to have a cup of tea with jess and talk about it. 
but I wont be posting on this bulletin what happened, because it is supposed to remain a secret amongst other kairos-ers. 

Oh and fun update - - Jess died my hair today. its a tint of red... i wanted a little bit more red but for now its a good start :) i love it. 

And i don't know how much i can realize, how much i love my friends. 
They really make me love the person I am today. 

I made somebody's day today...
i think he actually looks up to me a bit. It's cute
Because he realized that being the social norm, isn't what you HAVE to be. 
There are better things in life. 

But you know what i have noticed about guys
... they really like to talk about themselves.. ALOT. like they never ask questions to care about a girls life... 
All that matters is theirs. and the girls are just there to listen. Well let me say i love to listen, and i love to be there for people...
But there's this one guy who asks me questions...
I look at him differently.. (in a good way)
... its really cute too. how he cares. and he's interested. 

nice guys win. 

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Its all overrr :(

Well... i actually am pretty sad.
The school musical of my junior year is officially over. 
Although it is only 1/5th of my school year, it sure hits the lottery for being the best part. It depresses me that it will be the last musical EVER with some of the amazing talented people that participated in it. These people were like my family. Even if they gave me a legit reason to hate them, there is no where i could possibly find in my heart to share a dislike or hatred towards any of them. I look up to every single senior that was in the musical this year because they all had one thing in common that they had to offer - - They weren't afraid to be their weird crazy selves. And its freaky how deeply and hidden each and every one of them mean to me, and same way around. Sometimes you really think your just a blob of color is some ones life, because life never gives you the feedback that you always secretly crave for, but it turns out each and everyone of the people involved this year all consist of a masterpiece in my life... For the past few days before the show ended, i was thoroughly convinced that i would be so happy once i got out of that hole where it was just the old bittersweet friends i used to have. But i then looked past all of those old bittersweet friends and realized, yeah they happen to be part of this musical, but what about all of the other amazing people? And once i turned to them, i saw a whole new world. If one person that is important to you doesn't accept you anymore, then don't quit. don't let them be a fence that keeps you locked out of your confidence in making new friends. That was my mistake. So to the crazy two months of odd sexual tension and a tour through hell- - Thank you to all who have participated. I love you all. 

Please take a moment to enjoy these EXTREMELY strange pictures...

This is me.