Friday, January 30, 2009

25 facts

It's Just Me.

So this facebook thing is going around where people are posting 25 random facts about themselves... and I decided to write it in my blog.

1. My mind sees the world in an artistic way. 
2. I love my family more than anything in the world. Even though I disagree 
     with many of their  actions... they complete me, and give me something to
     live for. 
3. I love music. It basically recharges me to feeling fine. But I feel like I don't 
     love it enough sometimes... because I rarely know the words by heart, and 
     I don't know of many bands. But because I'm not the best at always being in 
     the know, it doesn't exactly mean I don't have passion for the music. There 
     are so many times I see people who have passion for the people,  not exactly 
     the music. That disgusts me. Although the person who is creating the music
      is a huge part of the picture, I just really hate to see people who go to shows...
     and don't watch/listen to the show. They watch whom they adore, and then
     socialize in another room. Part of going to a show is viewing all different kinds 
     of talents that are out there. So Enjoy it while your ears can still hear kids. 
4. I want to pursue photography. People don't believe in me, and I know they 
     doubt me... but I have never felt so much passion for one thing in my life. I 
     can catch myself staring at a photo for a long time... and i can see myself living 
     the happy life being a photographer. The funny part is, I gained this passion 
     through a "one door closes, one door opens" situation. Everything happens for a 
     reason. Your reason may not come right away... but in the long run, you will see. 
5. I am really bad at keeping in contact with people. I think its because I am really 
     bad at talking on aim... so they think I don't care anymore. 
6. I fall for the wrong reasons sometimes. 
7. I learn from each of my mistakes. To the extreme. And the one thing that ticks me 
     off, is when people don't return the favor and believe that they are perfect and have 
     no faults. If so, I refuse your friendship. 
8. I love the show LOST. I recently gained an addiction to it. And TBH... i think my 
     reasons for  loving the show so much is for the fact that it takes my mind into a different 
     world, so i don't have to worry about things that shouldn't be worried about. I worry too 
9. Speaking of addictions... I am addicted to caffeine. If i don't drink it i go through a withdrawal. 
     I get bad headaches and start to sweat, and then my thought process disappears. 
10. I happen to believe I have tourette syndrome. People think i'm bogus and they say I just say 
       I have it cause I "want" it... but ever since I can remember, I have had constant tics...         
       including a vocal one. People always point out that I tic and i don't even notice them 
       anymore because im so used to it. I didn't even know what it was until the summer before 
       8th grade when i went to a camp where it was "tourettes week" and there was a group of 
       kids with tourettes. I felt like I wasnt a strange child anymore. Cause I understood why I 
       always tick. I did research and all of the symptoms match. But my parents refuse to take me 
       to a person to get "tested" or whatever... cause they think its all in my head. 
11. When I turn 18, I'm getting my lip double pierced. You only live once :)
12. I have two dogs Riley and Skittles. If Riley wasn't so cute, i would hate her. People think i 
       abuse riley... but she enjoys being slid across the wood floor! but I don't think she enjoys 
       being kicked down the stairs (coughjessicacough)
13. In 8 years I see myself single, living in a small but cozy apartment doing what I love, 
       photography, and participating in community theatre musicals. I see myself having a TON of 
       friends who all inspire me, and they're gonna come over where i would cook a meal, and then 
       we'd all watch a movie. =] 
14. I plan on going to Columbia... and everyone says that I should look around more... and its 
       too early to decide... but when I visited, it was like love at first sight. That feeling you get 
       when you see the boy who will be your husband one day. 
15. I like to read on my own time. I hate reading for school. 
16. I've been doing pretty good on my new years resolution on not procrastinating. Im proud of 
       myself. :)
17. I have a sixth sense. I know fake when I see it. I can easily tell when people are lying. 
18. I work at an ice cream store and I love it. And I love the fact that I can be around sugar 
       without eating it. 
19. I used to have a food addiction as a wee child. And I was chubby. So speak and gang up on a 
       certain individual in a negative way (who does not deserve it)... then i look down upon you. 
       people who talk smack just are insecure about themselves. I can read people well. 
20. I am a VERY Optimistic positive person. My grandma and mother shoved that down my 
       throat and my life has turned around. I love my life and I am so incredibly happy. 
21. People say I am very wise for my age. and I think its because I became mature pretty fast. 
       But i'm afraid i'm gonna look back and regret my high school years because I didn't live the 
       full "high school experience". 
22. Tell me a secret and I will keep it forever without telling a soul. Talk to me about a 
       problem, and I will tell you what you may or may not want to hear. Take my advice as you 
       please and if not, grow up and learn life is not fair. The only way to grow forward is 
       understanding that you're not perfect, and moving on with the advice that was given, 
       (unless it was bogus advice) I strongly believe in hope, but hope needs 
       to have reason and truth behind it. Or else its one big lie. and nothing is worse than a lie. 
23. I like [Insert name here] because I have never been more comfortable around anyone else.       
       We could go on and on about nothing in our conversations. You make me laugh and i can just 
       picture us having a good time lying under the stars. But I wont wait around, cause its all       
       in your hands. 
24. There are only a few people who are on "The list". and every day my imagination plays a 
       movie of me punching them in the face. I do not believe in violence... but imagining punching 
       someone in the face is a great feeling. :) Its harmless and you can still feel like you did that. 

Thursday, January 29, 2009


The way you show you're a "Brave soul"
Just shows you are weak
The mind has been nothing but truth
But your lips line lies. 

you say; "everyone should be
Against their natural will.
You should be like me
Because I am an imitation
Of what is seen to be great."

But I have seen your version of "Great"
By the rainy nights of chasing fear
Its when she screams but no one can hear.
It Replays Replays
In my mind
And that my friend
Is why I will never fall into your rabbit hole.

I sense fake when I see it
And at the back of my head its only
beep beep beep. 
when you speak speak speak

Peer pressure
from a simple friend
you are no friend at all. 
Rewind rewind
to the one who used to be
the one who used to be
you used to be

Goodnight Chicago.

i totally had something on my mind to blog about

but i forgot. 

goodnight chicago. 

Saturday, January 24, 2009

Carpe Diem While You Can.

This is one of those days where you feel
- wow... i am nobody. and i am nobody's somebody. -
And when you find your piece of mind again
you try to think of a reason you ARE somebody...
But I've realized... It's hard to see your own Quals. 
If you have good friends, then thats when you think of them, 
and then they make you feel confident.
Why? no reason.
but only for the endless support they provide,
and continuous priceless laughs that come around. 
But what happens when you cant be comfortable around those people anymore?
That... is what scares me. 
What happens when they don't care anymore. 
Carpe Diem while you can...

And just don't screw anything up for your own social standards of well being. 


I've decided I will be doing nothing but working for the next few weeks. no concerts... no out to dinner fun... I need to make money... FAST! 
So who wants to hang out with me... without spending money?! :D 
and still trying to figure out how I'm possibly gonna survive in the city...
Gah my life. At least I'm preparing early for being poor on my own, right?

Friday, January 23, 2009

Stop. Take some time to think
Figure out what's important to you
Stop. Take some time to think
Figure out (who's) important to you
Stop. Take some time to think
Figure out what's important to you
You gotta make a serious decision. 
- Against Me!

Who's your core?
No... The REAL core. 
Not all the junk that builds those pillars 
the ones that hold high hopes and comfort. 

You're building coliseums here
But one day
When the storm hits cold
It will fall
And that one first pillar will still be standing.

Will you walk past it as it's part of something broken?
Or will you see that it's the pillar thats been there all along. 
It started as your core
And ended as the one whom won against the wind. 

As more pillars were built
It just blended in as something to hold your ceiling high
You forgot it's value after all its worth

Clean up the ashes around the last one standing 
Or it will no longer shine.


Goodbye camera
Daddy decided to take you in
Because your getting too old. 
Maybe we can fix you up?
But unfortunately, you are too beat up. 
and unfortunately, I am not fortunate. 
Im not ready yet to buy my new baby...
But it will kill me not to have one-
for the amount of time until it takes to buy it.
And unfortunately no one will lend me one either. 
What do I do?
I cannot work very often due to my other passion in life
So this is the point where i need to ponder
upon what my choice of life will be. 
I will not settle too fast for something far too less. 


This is more depressing for me then being rejected by a crush. 

Thursday, January 22, 2009


So here i was... roaming the blockbuster aisles like i do once a week, looking for a nice classic movie to watch. Mainly my mind was set upon renting "Pineapple Express"... but then something happened. I stopped at the end of the aisle where it met the back of the store. For some reason i turned right, and walked past... LOST. I stopped upon arrival and just thought... "What is so great about this show?". Recently i've heard many praises about this show... and I was convinced that i should watch it. So I took two discs (8 episodes) and rented them. I got home and was eager to watch them. But just one episode. It was late and i had to get to sleep... so my mind was set on just watching ONE. 

I failed. I ended up watching a whole disc. (4 episodes). Luckily i saved myself from watching the rest of them and went to sleep. I continued on watching the rest today. And let me say... I am addicted. There's nothing better than following a great show that has more of a plot than just love affairs and such. 

Monday, January 12, 2009

Summary of my day. (And what's on my mind)

-never shout never has been stuck in my head this whole weekend, continuing on today. 
-I have been constantly singing and playing the piano all day.
-I helped Matt out for posing for Hollister try 0uts. Yes, he was posing shirtless in my house... and it was akward
-I keep jumping around. i think its cause i've had so much sugar today... but wait... i haven't?
-Me and my mom spent time together today and it made me really happy. and then we joked around.. she said i was a bad child cause when we went to jewel i snuck in a 3rd box of mac and cheese. mwahaha.
-So one of my art finals is making a 10 second animation... and mine is about a boy who hates carrots so he throws it over his shoulder and it goes through someone's head. bloo
d. the end.
-I really really think i have ADD. I haven't been able to sit for more than 10 minutes to study. and i have to read all the questions out loud.... in a really loud voice... to get me focused. 
-iiiiiiii Decided not to like him anymore... and it doesn't bug me. People who have no purpose in life are boring. And it's really annoying. and he's an ass. and. idk.
-I threw a blanket over riley to be annoying, like ... a half hour ago... and she is still sitting underneath it. SHES SO WEIRD!
-So i really want to see William Beckett at a public place... cause I seriously think he lives close to me?
-Finals are tomorrow and I'm going to fail them ALL! goodbye GI/CP :(
-Riley finally jumped out from under the blanket. okay she's alive. phew. 
-I think its so strange how i can write on blogspot for like an hour without getting distracted. 
-I have nothing to wear... i s
hould probably do my laundry.
-I am so sorry if you are reading this. but thanks for being interested in my life christina jess and tay. :)
-My mother is addicted to facebook. and shes jealous that my grandma gets more wall posts than her.
-Life is wonderful when my room is clean
-Life is wonderful when my sisters are away at school
-Life is wonderful when the snow is light and bright
-Life sucks when your cold from winter
-Life sucks when you have to take finals
-Life is wonderful when you have finals week (as in, every days a half day)
-Life is SPECTACULAR when you are looking forward to a concert over the weekend. 
-Life sucks when your looking forward to no one
wonderful over the weekend.
-Okay well i want to go watch "Private School' on hulu. Is it good?
-Maybe i should go, like... help the homeless or something. Maybe something good will come out of that?
-Theme Photography yes? i am absolutely in love with this picture. NEW THEMED project for me. 
by sara kiesling

she's one of my inspirations. I love her work. 

And a new themed photo shoot coming soon- 3D

When are you free?

Saturday, January 10, 2009

after-movie night thoughts.

I love the august rush soundtrack.
it has so much passion and the music is written so well. 
I'm listening to it as i type and it just reminds me of the time i first saw this movie
it was so good... I smiled through the whole thing. 
And now thinking about movie theaters... i want to go alone again. 
I went to see TWILIGHT alone, and it was a very different experience.
And i enjoyed it. Just like i sometimes enjoy going to a concert alone. 

So now its snowing and i feel like i just wasted my time shoveling the driveway...
cause it is now caught up with the rest of the snow pretty much again. 

i feel like acoustic

and studying some more out of my dads old photography books. 
he brought home 3 for me... and I'm planning on reading all of them :)

So heres a debate on my mind:
So my english teacher always tries to prove himself as a good person, cause he stands up for what he believes in and sticks strong to his opinions. but in my eyes... this situation was just pure selfishness. So why does he try to teach us his selfish lifestyle? just like he was bragging the fact: 
"So i went to see a movie. i went 45 minutes early... i got my popcorn sitting in the best spot in the theatre with my wife aside of me. It was the perfect seat. right in the center. And then the movie started filling up more and more. Then the commercial previews (with the lights still up) started, and this young couple came into the theatre. About the age of their mid 20's. And then the girl made an announcement to my row, 'Excuse me.. sorry but could everyone maybe move one seat down?" because there was some open single spaces in the row that nobody occupied. and these were the only seats left in the theatre (other than the front row) that her and her boyfriend could sit. Well... I stood up and said "No. I am staying right here! you should have come earlier. I came 45 minutes early to get this seat and i will not move.' And then the boyfriend from across the aisle screamed to his girlfriend, 'You mean he's not moving?' So then ends up they had to go sit uncomfortably in the front. Now class, you see, that is the kind of attitude you need. You need to stand up for yourself  in what you believe in. i mean isn't that ridiculous? this couple expected to come late to a movie and make a whole row scoot down one. And thats hard because you have to gather your coats, drinks, and all of your other belongings and move one seat at a time down the row.
Okay. So. This made me really angry. I don't know why he should be proud of this fact. It seemed as he was causing a scene over nothing. 
A.) The couple came and a normal time that people usually come to movies.
B.) Its ONE SEAT. Is it really that hard?
C.) WWJD?!??! yeah uhuh
I just thought that was the most ignorant and selfish thing i have ever heard coming out of someone's mind. I just wanted to debate with him, but in a class
0f 6o people... I'm sure they would rather get on with school work than waste time on debating over something so stupid.
I guess the hard hit i took towards this subject is something that i have been dealing with lately.
What if it was a couple in their mid 60's. Would he have done the same thing?
Well my guess is probably not. and if he did, thats even worse. But still, does one seat from the center really ruin your experience of a movie? Isn't a movie all
about the movie itself, rather than the luxury of seeing it?

so tell me... what do you think about that?

Thursday, January 8, 2009


All the things I expected, happen to just really be nonexistent. incredibly 
And watching them all take advantage at what's handed to them on a gold and silver platter
is just painful to watch.
Now don't think differently... i am definitely a happy camper with a great life...
But there's just that one thing digging under my skin every day. 
and I don't know the reason why. 
I don't know the effing reason why. 
I took the walk of regret today... but i dont know what  i was regretting...
it was like the walk of being denied on something you thought was growing the opposite way. 

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Stop or go?

I don't know weather i should wait or if i should continue on. This is just so hard. and its funny how its like karma... the same exact thing is coming around my way, except I'm in a different position. I am so confused and its frustrating. I feel like life is so short and it goes by so quick so i should just run to an open chance... but then yet i wonder if something good is actually worth waiting for... or is that just another one of those thrown around phrases that really aren't true. whattodowhattodowhattodo.... gah. 

Friday, January 2, 2009


To be honest... I haven't gone for this much help in a long time. I'm glad i did though. There has been so much on my mind from school to boys to friends and i just feel like I'm simply confused . Sometimes... I guess it's okay to go to people for help. People are put in your life for basically being the wall that helps you stay up as you start to fall. 

But heres a toast to year 
2   0   0   9
I really can't imagine what is in store this year. 
There's nothing better 
than a pack of brats
or girls who thing their lonestars.
(But its true).
And there's so much 
that i can recall. 

Knock em out and let them shine.
strike a pose within your eyes. 
your the model of the century. 
your the model of the century.
Say it isn't so
Say it isn't so
Say it isn't so so real.