Wednesday, December 23, 2009


Merry Christmas Eve. 
If only it was merry.
If only I could fill this hole. 
It's getting deeper and deeper every day
and I just want it to go away
but I know there's only one thing that could fix it.
Something that I've always wanted
but can never have. 
Not even a christmas wish can grant me this. 
So when you ask me "What's wrong?"
I'm not lying when I say I'm tired.
Because I am tired
Tired of this way I have to go through the day
Empty spaces inside. 

Monday, December 14, 2009

Rest In Peace Bobby Green.

This is so hard. I don't know what to do with myself. I miss you so much. My mind keeps running with my memory of you. It's as if you are still here. 
I love you so much Mr. Green. You have been the light of my life which lead me in the direction toward my passion. You taught me so much about life through music. I think i learned to live my life the way i do because of you. It hurts so much to know that you are not with us anymore. You were such a great friend, a mentor, and a genius. It is too unfair that you left us at such a young age. It makes me angry to think that choir will never be the same. I remember all those "Choir council meetings" that i went to. They were so much fun. Even though you bribed us to come with pizza. And i remember the silly games you made for us so we could all get to know each other more. Especially smugie or smoogi or whatever its called. The best game I have ever played. You were an angel in my life who inspired so many of my desires for my future. I remember all of the choir picnics and how excited you got for every little thing. I remember the time when we were talking about the meaning of the song we were singing in class and you accidentally made a dead grandma joke in front of a girl in our class who recently lost her grandma. I think about how terrible that was at the time and i look back and laugh. And i don't know why. I guess its because i remember how bad you felt afterwards. I remember when you always came to me to think of ideas for fun classroom stuff such as choir parties. I remember going to a holiday choir party, and only 7 people showed up, and you showed up, and we just played your favorite game- charades. And then when we played charades in the dunes... you gave drew song lyrics and he had to act out all of those tiny words and you really got a kick out of it. And then Jimmy had inglorious bastards. And i remember watching that video of you in high school singing with your a capella group. And then the video of you at a UofI game, and the camera zoomed on you while you were screaming "WERE NUMBER ONE! NUMBER ONNNNEEE" ... you would have a mullet. And then i remember when you fell at the dunes. I was so scared. And i sat at the picnic table with you while you tried to comprehend what just happened. You had sand all over your face and i used my towel to brush it off. While we sat there for the ambulance to come, you seemed embarrassed, but i was thankful that I was able to sit there with you. Because while I sat there with you, I knew that this year was not going to end up ok. And i wish i could turn back time so i could spend that ten minutes sitting with you again. And then i remember the last time I felt as if i said goodbye. After we sang The Awakening at last years senior rec concert, i was crying, because it was such a beautiful song. While you were kicking everyone off the stage to go drink choir punch in the cafeteria, i looked at you and gave you a huge hug and said "thank you for everything". I look back at that moment that sticks in my mind every day, because i think that was the one and only time i will ever say goodbye. It hurts me so much to know that i wont be able to make it to your memorial service. And it makes me angry to know that you wont be here with us as we carol this year. You were so great Mr. Green. And its going to be really hard for me to let go. You were the one teacher who treated everyone as an individual. And you let everyone know that they were special in some way. I feel as if i don't belong in the top choir at fremd, but i think you put me there for a reason. Because you believed in me, even though i wasn't the typical amazing choir singer. I will find that reason for you. And I promise that. But I thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to move forth. As i sit here and reflect upon my past four years with you, I realize that i was so blessed to have an angel such as you to have touched my life. I cant even find the right words to write. So i pray, that you are looking down on us from heaven and someday i'll be able to sing in your choir once again. I will try to grasp on to all of my experiences with you for my future, because if i do, i know i will be successful. You will live in me every day. Let music never die in me. Forever let my spirit sing, where all our voices join as one to praise the giver of the song. Awake awake. Let music live. let music live. 
Let Music Live. 

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Days like today where everything is going wrong
And you just want to go home
But when you go home it's just nothing better. 
And Its never just one thing at a time... 
Life can mostly be stably alright
And then suddenly all at once
The magnet of all problems turns itself on. 
Everything is going wrong. 

I only wish there was a solution to make me feel better
But there is no golden answer
To cure all this sadness. 

Tell me something good, please. 

Monday, December 7, 2009

Dear Santa...

The Snakes & Suits Ampersand Blue Hoodie is SO cute and I need a new hoodie for this cold weather. Size wise- I'd like a medium or large. Cozy... mmm

The Muk Luks Women's Lace Back Boots are a favorite of mine because they are so cute and look really warm! and they are black and white so it can match a majority of my outfits. And these are affordable!

The Zuiko Digital ED 12-60mm lens for my Olympus camera. I would be a happy camper with this, because it would enhance my photography :)

This Crosley Archiver record player has built in speakers, and also has a CD player AND a casette player. AND a radio. This is expensive but its for a good cause!

******** I want these Minnetonka Fringe Boots desperately... they are muy expensive too. :( BUT IF I GOT THEM, I REALLY WOULD WEAR THEM EVERY DAY!

More to come

Soon you will be mine

Be Prepared to rock around the christmas tree with this baby! 

Sunday, December 6, 2009

Drifting to Dream

And when I dream
I wont wake up
I need to see how this ends
Cause sometimes life is a little bit
To perfectly mend

But when I'm awake
I trust I can 
Take your hand
And see it clearly
This life was meant to be

Saturday, December 5, 2009


I wonder if the world can run on a slow pace
because its risky taking the big leap
from imagination to reality. 
The biggest dilemma of our lives. 

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Why is it that this year, so much has happened? 2009  was an unforgettable year. which makes me scared for what's yet to come within this last month. 

To Susannah Kist-
I am praying for you. You were such a great woman. It is incredible how much I look back on all the classes I took from you, and how it helped form me transform into being the person I am today. The first biggest lesson I ever learned for the stage was from you. And I will never forget it. The way you taught, showed me that theatre is fun and all about what YOU as an actor put into it. Just look at how many stars you have trained! And your sweet and caring personality was just the most inspiring trait to learn from. I will never forget your smile and the way you loved all. Thank you for all you have done. God will keep you safe in his arms. 

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

the obstacle of my life.

I'm scared because I've never been in love before. 
All these years i've been holding back so heartbreak couldn't potentially be the death of me, 
as it once was before. 
But through all these years, you have been in the corner of my mind tangled up in the cobwebs along with memories that have been forgotten since their day. 

And now I'm left with a wide open door 
I am free to take chances
but I can't tell which side the light is shining through. 
Is it worth the risk to walk on the other side? 
because I'm too familiar with the mirages my mind has always made up.

And this is simply the obstacle of my life. 
God, please take my hand and show me what I've been so scared to do. 

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Me and Taylor Swift have great minds that think alike. 

A few minutes ago I thought to myself, "Why cant you see that you belong with me." 

Crazy right? 

You're on the phone with your girlfriend, She's upset
She's going off about something that you said
She doesnt get your humour like I do

I'm in the room, its a typical Tuesday night
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesnt like
And she'll never know your story like I do

But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming bout the day when you'll wake up and find
That what you're lookin for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me

You belong with me

Monday, November 23, 2009

Where were you?

If I were to follow this advice
The truth is
I'd have no one. 

No matter how much you think I'm dumb for having legit feelings
And no matter how many times you think your perfect
And that "you do nothing wrong at all"
I still have feelings. Your actions speak louder than words..
Well I guess thats the only way possible to put it
Since you decided not to give me words. 

Sometime God can show you strange things
Such as seeing what you thought as your best friend
As your worst
And your worst friend
As your best


Lean on me
When your not strong
I'll be your friend
Someone to carry on
(Which is what i gave to you)
For, It wont be long
Till I'm gonna need
Somebody to lean on. 
(Way to be there.)

I know you think I'm "OVERREACTING"
Because you think this happened just once
But I don't have as many fingers
to count all the times
Where I needed somebody to lean on.

Where were you?

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I wonder how differently i would look if tried and worked out to look like a supermodel..... New goal possibly? :D 

Since I have no life now, and I got a new membership to the gym.. all I need is a car and then I believe it's possible. 

And my prize would be the look on your face. 

Monday, November 9, 2009

After a million rejections in one lifetime
Then you start to really begin to feel worthless

Especially if it's a rejection of your passion. 
And pretty much the only thing you think your good at. 

And building up a good reputation was just a waste.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Life Support.

It's just another hour
It's just another day
It's just another weekend
Where I waste my life away
It's my longest hour
It's my toughest day
And it's just this weekend
Where all I do is pray
Pray that your gonna be okay
You stopped my lifeless breath
and turned it into a true emotion
The pain that wants to turn back this clock
Just so I could've sifted my words into your life
I am living to know that you will be here another day
My eyes are open to every subtle shift
Help me grasp this life which left long ago
Because suddenly time turned into nothing but a word
Time turned into empty space
And I suddenly saw us sitting at our desks
Laughing from the good life. 
Sitting in our closet club
Sitting in that hallway as you let those burdened unspoken words
Unleash from your lips
And I felt God bring our hands together
So we could share our dreams and share our lives
Because we shared past pain
That would always leave that scar
I was your band-aid and you were my crutch
And in that one simple moment. 
In those simple hours
In those simple days
You saw yourself as beautiful.

I'm praying for you Matti

Thursday, October 22, 2009

When Heaven's Light Shines...

It's times like these
Where I truly look over my 18 years of life. 
Conversations are taken for granted.
It is so important to keep in contact with the ones you love
Because you never know
One day
The world can randomly take a wide turn.
Sometimes there are distractions
And sometimes there are fights
But in the end none of that is worth it
Because the love you have for someone
Or even the love you once had for someone
Will always remain within you.
Even if you just met them twice
Or even if your relationship went separate ways

The impact of a young life leaving so early
The impact of a loved one leaving too early
Turns into a tree of thoughts

It makes me look at the world through renewed eyes

Rest in peace Liza Whitacre. I met you just twice, and both times I can distinctively remember the smile you had on your face. Especially at the cast party Lauren had for musical during Thoroughly Modern Millie. I remember going to Lauren the next day and telling her about how pretty and nice I thought you were. For some reason, your presence was strong and rememberable, and I will never forget it. 

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

It's called Hypocrisy.

If you could see this through my eyes
You would definitely agree...
As a matter of fact-- You did see it through your eyes
A short while back
And you took the same path
Except, my story was a little more sympathetic.
Yours was just pathetic. 
It's not about the end
It's not all about me --
But maybe if your reflection shows
You can see who you've turned to be.
Sometimes I wish something could blow down your brick wall...
The stronger you seem to stand
The more it distances us. 

I've really realized; To everyone I've always been just the crawl-back-to-friend when there is nothing for them to cling on to anymore... and I'm counting the days until it happens again. Its a ticking clock and I've memorized the script.
- I just thought you'd be the last person to take your bow. 

So my answer is... Yes you are free to be who you want to be. But you better not expect me to be sitting at the park bench day in and day out and then miraculously be there when you decide to take your lunch break.  If you even send a carrier pigeon once in a while, then That at least shows that you care just a little. And then life would be back in its place. I know your used to a crowd of fans, but thats not me anymore. Sometimes you have to give to get. So I'm stopping myself before my constant living nightmare happens again. You've heard me vent about all of my friends who have done the same thing to me... so what makes me want to stay to watch the show again? There is no stop sign to a change... so whenever you feel free to be that person you used to be... the whole titanic is waiting for you by the ticking clock in the lobby.  

Saturday, October 17, 2009

I'm Just a penny.

Loosing a best friend;
It turns me inside out like a fever
And even when she's getting close
Not even one phone call
Not even one text
Im not the rock that I used to be.
I was dropped off from the tallest city scraper
Like a single unappreciated penny
And i fell with the rain.

Hey 2 4 6 8
I really do appreciate.
And I'm not a frickin cheerleader
Sometimes they need a little cheering up too. 
But like always
Its just another one sided story.
My dues are up 
And I'm no longer needed
There's the exit, and thank you for visiting.

I wonder what its like to be loved full time
Cause suddenly
The only person who matters is him.
It really is true that you forget the world around you.
Previously on lost
even he was an old friend.

Funny thing is
Through this windy situation
She was transformed as her own worst enemy.
Maybe thats why they were best friends in the first place. 

Friday, October 16, 2009

Just another sad so long

Every heart should be handled with care 
Cause your palm will gage with scars 
From every heart you've smashed with your bare hands. 
Soon enough you wont be able to handle your past mistakes
And your mind will rage with regret from your bad reputation
So why continue to kill the only good part of life you have?
Sometimes people can't change.
No matter how much you believe. 

Saturday, October 3, 2009

11 thoughts

1.) "Into The Wild" was a great movie.
2.) I hate the fact I'm witnessing a game being played.
3.) I always seem to hate who I've started.
4.) Money won't buy you happiness.
5.) I was invisible. Now your invisible. 
6.) I'm starting to wonder which is better... Drama or the silent treatment? 
(With drama, ends always meet. The silent treatment leads to a blank)
7.) What would happen if i lived outside with no technology and tried to survive?
8.) Why do I always waste my time trying to make friends with douche bags?
9.) The music scene is a scam. 3/4 of musician's are selfish.
10.) I hate the fact that I am the unlucky one of the bunch so everyone can use me as an example of why they appreciate love. Because it doesn't come easy. 

and 11.) The funny thing is, you'd think this is about this one person, but behind these words is my real life and not the false thing that i wouldn't consider my life. 

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Dear Diary,

I'm (silently) in love with a boy

Who's LOUDLY in love with a girl. 

Monday, September 28, 2009

Just FYI

I never put a period at the end of our sentence
Instead you put a dot dot dot and never finished your thoughts
You placed your pen down
And a new book looked much more interesting to read
So I sat and stared at the ticking clock... 
While you read of adventures in a different genre
Of Superheroes and Villains
Of Adventures and Home
Of Love and Hate
And I don't wait for anyone, ever

... So your times up
And I placed my pen down
It was you who finished our story
It was you who put the period at the end of our sentence. 

The End.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

"Oh captain, my captain"

Oh, how badly i want to do a band photo shoot of this exact frame... 
If you haven't seen it, "Dead Poets Society" is a great movie. 
It's all about poetry and Robin Williams does an amazing job at his role as Mr. Keating. 
Also, I think it's funny that Red from "That 70's Show" is in it too. 


Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Leave your Ego At the door please.

an open writing in process...

She's so Hott
She's so suave
Maybe she can hide 
that she's a cheap shot

Oh no oh no
i gave her an ego
Ay yi yi
I must've screwed up her life
Uh oh wauh oh
I told her she was super
I was just being... nice?
I'll never lie again
That i'll never lie again
cause egos 
are not my friend

Sunday, September 6, 2009

They All Tell Me;

And mama told me,
even if you sing your heart out
you still cant always win.
And the world told me,
It's about your final phrase 
That choose the direction of your next step.
West east south and north
What is this even worth?

But its all about the passion
That keeps us moving for the life we can or can't take
Red or blue pill
The choice of my fate.

And maybe if I push this contagious smile
Then it can spread for miles.
I caught the sickness of an empty place inside
Once called a heart. 
This thing that wants to beat again
And wants to be bundled up in blankets 
around a blaze of passion. 

Cause philosophy told me the point of losing is winning.

And one day, I'm gonna sing my heart out
And I'm maybe gonna win
And mama
Oh, she'll be proud. 

Thursday, August 20, 2009

The Mind Endeavors

And maybe you'll never know
There's a life inside this mind. 
I feel every step i take down the street
And i feel pain for the shoes that are too small.
Im a sucker for the luck i never win
But hey i still believe there's one day. someday.
and thats where i imagine things 
thing that could never happen on no occasion of this night.

And you'll never even appreciate that i appreciate you
Some say that i'm breaking all time
But time is all i've got to waste
Because maybe the dream is pleasure to reach
When this mind gets going
it never ever stops
So caution to you
the unknown character
my mind's little secret...
Like a bat out of hell
You charge through more than anyone cares to know
if only you'd notice the kind of life thats inside this mind.

Monday, August 17, 2009



My 3:30 AM thoughts

Honest lyrics are more than just words coming from the heart...
But Un-cliché words that you are not afraid to say. 
Some weird phrase that comes up in your mind
Something that has never been said before. 

The best part of believe is the lie

or would you rather hear a song that goes

i wanna feel you i wanna touch youuuuuuuuuu
i look at the sky and think of you. 

But sometimes there are rediculous lyrics that are just plain stupid like

Kiss me through the phoooneee

and thats all the song sings. And then some sexual annoying sounds that are tracked repeatedly afterwards. 

Honesty and originality is what makes a person stand out. 

But when you are honestly trying to hard to be original where it shows your desperate..
its embarrassing. 

Listening to musicians like
Regina Spektor
Fall Out Boy
Manchester orchestra
This is me smiling
Panic! at the disco...

I am starting to really like my variety of musicians i like.

Talent or Talentless... people work really hard on the music they make, and no matter what they throw passion at it... but i guess the successful ones are just the chosen ones who hit the nail on the head on peoples current day feelings towards their lives, that the lyrics and beats happen to make a connection with their current day lives.

now i don't even know what I'm typing out cause i am half asleep... but i had this conversation with some one earlier and i've been cursed with thinking on it all day. 

Saturday, August 15, 2009

To you.

To you
Im just a number.
Im another face in the crowd.
A person you fake a friend
To be used for living needs.
Im just the extra conversation
On a Quiet lonely day
Im the dinner date 
only for your empty stomach
You'd expect id felt the same
And To look up and see your presence
Is for the phrase to keep
The experience to live off of
The experience to keep the money flowing
Through the hands of my peers
Im the snooze button whenever your buisy
And to you,
Im a fan. not a friend.

To me
Your a talented individual
Your a memory that reminds me of my great past
An example of flaws that fall into my category as perfect
One who leads the right way of living
Yet went down the wrong path
A person i view as a good friend
One who holds a good conversation
After a crazy day of life
A pure example of the one who acts caring
But has better things to do then risk time for friendships
Your words can stop me in my tracks 
Because what i give is care for a genuine pal
And to me,
You are a friend. Not a fan. 

If only you knew
What I knew. 

Thursday, August 13, 2009

When does it start?

It sort of breaks my heart that i've never been in love. I know I'm only in high school, but i just want to experience a high school sweetheart. People say that its not that big of a deal, but it is. To have a friend to hang out with, and you look forward to just simply watching a movie. Or just lying outside looking up at the stars. Everyone i know who is in love is just happy. So what am i missing out on? Curiosity kills and I'm ready to finally start living my life sometime. But i hate the wait. So then what do i do? keep my pace on sitting around waiting for something to happen? because it really doesn't seem as opportunities are close to mine. I don't know how much longer this will take, but any longer i feel like it'll be the end of it for me. I really believe therefore ill just be alone for a while. 

Monday, August 10, 2009

This is a scene

I just had the best night of my summer

it all started out with a movie
That movie transformed into a night full of quoting hilarious lines
Those hilarious lines transformed into facebook status updates in tweets

and then dun dun dun

Ironically at the same time, there is a party that most likely was formed or advertised to shove it in peoples faces that they weren't in the clique of friends anymore.

and then that quote "operation: Im so there its insane!" ironically looked as a "Operation: IM GONNA CRASH YOUR PARTY"

Paranoia is a beast we like to play along with

Well we don't have energy, time, or effort to literally crash a party

but its pretty easy to tweet "If you washed your car today, it was a waste" 

And a funny thing is that I went to jewel with Jess to pick up bananas for my work, and she took a picture of the 5 bunches in my hands. 

ahaha funny thing, it matches with our bitch theme of the day
Pranks with bananas? never heard of it... But why else would you be holding a stack of bananas in your hand? 


Good thing Karmas a bitch and ended that party early anyways. 

And that early ended party turned into a night of bitch fights over twitter and aim.

I can feel the heat of the summer. 

And i'm loving every single bit of it

Because the truth is

All i had do do was do nothing to form such a crazy-filled-paranoia night. 

I am confident that I did absolutely nothing wrong. :D

all i can say is i love my family so much
and i love she's the man for starting this whole scene

Friday, August 7, 2009

Amazing Video...

Check it. I love videos like this. 

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Passion #1 (The Phantom Of The Opera)

Passion #1

The Phantom of the Opera is my number one comfort. I have been listening to it a lot this week. For some reason it is like my lullaby. It puts me into a calm mood after the worst has occurred. It made me remember the time in my life where I watched it every day. I guess I put fourth my passion into objects because I'm cursed at love.... well at least the phantom of the opera will never disappoint me. Ironically i wore my phantom shirt today. And i also own the phantom bracelet and the book. I think I might read it again someday. I even know all the lyrics to the songs . I've seen the broadway play, and that was one of my happy days. Another good memory that phantom brings me is walking out of choir down the long choir hallway with my old friend Erin. We would split the headphones and listen to the 13 minute song "Down Once More" and sing along theatrically to it. I even remember the first time i watched this movie.I was at my uncles apartment and I started watching it halfway through and i couldn't take my eyes off of it. One of my tattoo ideas (if i ever get a tattoo) is probably an art from from something of the movie. Possibly the rose with the black bow? who knows. :D

Sunday, July 26, 2009

a walk to remember

How can a movie be so beautiful.
just watched a walk to remember. 
i love that movie.
it makes me cry. 
titanic too.

im not an emotional person in life
but movies for some reason really spark that trait in me. 

Friday, July 24, 2009


Part of me wants to hold on to my childhood
and also live life based on the simple works that make me happy
settle down slowly in nothing too fancy. and just live my youth freely while it lasts

But then the other part of me wants to set up my future to become a successful woman. 
this part of me knows ill keep myself living, but will i be happy in the major workplace? 

i cant decide.
and i have to figure this out soon. 
my college awaits...


Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Figures, im really disappointed in you.

Dear Mrs. ______

The funny thing is,
your just like your mother. 
The way you talk, 
the way you dress,
The way you know what your doing is wrong
And it's a bad habit that keeps poisoning your life
But you do it anyway...
Your cries of self pity are all true
and you should keep crying until you grow up.
We have suffered as a family through the hardships in life,
but we don't repeat mistakes as much as you do. 
Go ahead and rake up people for your team.
You never even liked them anyway,
But its obvious now your desperate,
Our slap in your face made you a better person to them.
Well i'm glad you can be a better person with out us. 
Because we don't want you in our life.
You caused an earthquake that should have never shook. 
But our feet trembled and we grew far apart.
With my mind full of anger, all i can say is
That i'm glad this canyon is between us.
You'll just hear my echos a few miles away.
The echo you wished to see the birth of. 
I know you.
And i know your suffering. 

( Have fun listening to my echos of laughter. 
You'll never get it back. )


(I never really liked you anyway.)

I like the way you call me late at night 
to vent about a stupid girl
I like the way the very next day
You have her in a twirl. 
Cause you a lie, a cheat, 
and I'm just beat from trusting.
From falling
From failing 
in your game. 

I swallowed your trust
from all that lust
towards words and unrevealed
secrets meant to stay untold
Now doubt is all i have to hold.

I never really liked you anyway
But for some silly odd reason i had to play
In your game of disguise and lies
i was stupid to believe your empty word. 
Because i already knew
Already knew
your a life long chum with a heavy guilty heart. 

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Someone, Find The Cure.

I saw through my peripherals because I hate the fact I'm looking. 
But I love the fact that your there.
Just one look and my body's turning inside-out. 
These butterflies have the sharpest wings
And I can feel them creep with their gentile arms strolling.
The reality behind this beauty.

To look into the eye of the powerful being
Turns me petrified and cold to the touch.
Turns me to a mess with tapping fingers and fidgeting hands.
I pray you don't see the tears in my eyes.
Because they're not due to sadness
They're not due to happiness
They're due to this illness, this emotion unknown. 
There is no name for what I feel when I see you
It is not love, it is not hate, but a simple way of wishing
A simple way of knowing
Our paths went the wrong ways. 
We messed with justification

Saturday, July 4, 2009

LYRICS- Ryan Cabrera

This segment of a song goes out to someone special to me. 
This song played while having a conversation that related to this, 
and I thought of you. <3

"I've waited all my life to cross this line 
to the only thing thats true
so I will not hide
i'ts time to try anything to be with you
all my life I've waited
this is true

you don't know
what you do
everytime you walk into the room
I'm afraid to move

I'm weak
it's true
I'm just scared to know the ending
do you see me too?
do you even know you meant me!"

- Ryan Cabrera

Thursday, June 25, 2009

RIP Michael Jackson.

Talent, Grace, Dedication... A true legend died today. The moment i saw it on Tv, the world stopped. I have always thought of this day ever since i was young. I even remember bringing up the conversation to my dad a few weeks ago, "It will be so sad when Michael Jackson dies, because he is one of the biggest legends of our time." Although people view him as a negative figure in our american pop culture, they seem to be blind to the many positive things he brought to us. His talents in dancing, singing, and loving were always things that stuck out to me. People say, "You aren't allowed to be sad and post it all over twitter/facebook/blogspot (etc.) because you weren't even a FAN! And now all the sudden he dies and you've become his BIGGEST fan!" This to me is just vulgar. There are a lot of people that we respect in our time who made some kind of impression in your life such as a Michael Jackson song Binging moment to bring you a bit of happiness in your life. and Come on, i know you've tried doing the thriller dance at least ONCE in your life! But, No, i don't know much about his life or even all of his music at all. But what i do know, is that he showed his music genius side to the world with the courage of being himself, and being different. And that is one of the many things i idolize about him. The thing that makes me sad, is that these past few years of his life only went down hill. Starting with his race-transformation and constantly getting shit from it, to his nose jobs and plastic surgery, and then to the whole molesting little boys thing. These actions lead to many strong against michael. And to watch footage of him being flocked by haters and fans, sounds like a sucky life to me. I heard an interview from a family member who even said that he couldn't trust anyone other than his family, because everyone else has let him down by exposing his personal life. But even with all this negativity, he never quit because for a while he has been preparing for a large tour in london. That is something i would have loved to see. But unfortunately the people attending all of those + 50 sold out shows worth have to be let down. And it makes me so sad, that while he was finally making his comeback, his life ended.  But Michael will never die, he will live on forever with his songs and videos. 


AND THINK ABOUT THIS: this was all before auto-tune. 
(that ones for you Tony Martino)

Expose Me.

There's nothing more that i hate Then a one way road of a conversation. 
What kind of game am i in? is my life just not interesting enough that i must remain the mystery that no one cares to crack? I guess i just don't give the mysterious vibe which draws people in to go all googley-eyed over the wonders of my existence. 
I want to be exposed to a wondering matter. Is that so wrong? 
I am an expert listener with a open armed shoulder and my carry on phrases are first place winners. 
But I'm only seen as a wall to throw your baggage at. Another person who cares but cant compare to the love you left on your shelf. 
Cause she's so perfect. 
So damn perfect. 
And who am i? to hate the fact that she's so damn perfect. 
Because everything will be okay cause 
she's oh my god so perfect

Throw your name that you carved in the bark of the tree last week. Just throw it all away. Because today, you are brand new. Today, the past is erased so we can re-live our mistakes.