Just Try To Cry

This is sad

It truly is

And I'm currently searching for the reason

It might be because

As a child they tell you, you will never be the winner

Fairy tales aren't true

And you will never win the lottery

So don't even try

It's stuck in my head that I'll never get the gold

But sometimes

A little light shines bright

And I will reach for it

To the point where I'm on my toes

And then realize its only a firefly passing by

It's light faded before my eyes

They've taught me the confidence of many souls 

And the wise ways of the old

It's been put to good use

Except for the days where I wish I were normal

Where i wish it was we

Who could break, but still have our past to learn from

To rely from

To live from

But in this case it's sans we

There's no such poem

There's no such song

Where we is a factor

For me to sing along

I am the matchmaker

I am the therapist

I am the shoulder

I am the friend

I am the teacher

I am the life

I am the smiles

I am the light

But who can I be

To fill this gap

Cause I keep jumping over it

And I turn to look back

I don't leave with a smile

Yet, I leave with regret

But I guess it is better off

for me to not fret. 

INVISIBLE CHILDREN!

The Rescue Instructional Video from Jason Russell on Vimeo.

Cant wait for this saturday! 

Boy Language

Come here little girl

Begging on the edge of my bed

Your only dumb enough to not know

Your curiosity shows

I don't understand your boy language

Someone pull me out of this

I overanalyze and shit 

I'm helpless

A short passage of passion

"

“Ahh…” he slowly sighed in confidence. “He decided not to share this time.”

“Gee… I’m sorry. Gah don’t you just wish you could get away from all of this. Parents are so ridiculous. Every answer has no reason attached to it. Its like they don’t realize the soul we have in us.”

“That’s poetic.” He replied, with a half hearted tone. He held glumness with a pinch of happiness behind his eyes.

We shared a glance and it took a while to break it. This moment, right now, was picture perfect. The sun was setting and the breeze through the trees whistled and rattled the perfect summer leaves. An evening like tonight, is the only thing I live for. Even if it wasn’t with someone I deeply loved, it was shared with someone who cared about me. And boy I cared about him too.

"

No day but today.

I just experienced a really great night.

I just got home from seeing Rent in Chicago at the Oriental theatre. This performance was special from any other rent that i've seen because Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal were in the cast. Also we got seats in the 5th row. :) The show was phenomenal. I found myself actually tearing up because the actors did so well and moved the show along with great stage presence that actually sucked me in and let me "watch" the show, instead of looking for things that shouldn't be there. (i know, i am really bad at watching shows because once it is your life, it becomes a habit to watch it in another way... more like looking for mistakes and such.) I also thought it was great because there was a man in his 40s sitting next to me, and he was singing under his breath throughout the whole show. Usually people would think its obnoxious to hear your neighbor annoyingly singing, but it struck me in a way of joy, because i realized how such a deep show- it attracts an audience of all kinds. I've heard of a lot of people who despise the show because its about sex, drugs, and aids. But the thing people need to realize- is that, that is a big part of our world, but those things only help tell the true story, which is about friendship and not afraid of being who you are. So anyway we watched the whole show with me tearing and giving a large standing ovation to the actors for their outstanding performance, and then my friends uncle told us that he was taking us backstage. Her Uncle Buddy has connections with a lot of the people who were working backstage, and so the stage manager let us in backstage. We got a tour and got to stand on the stage. It was the most wonderful moment of my life... because i was standing on the stage of the oriental theatre, (where i also saw WICKED) and i stood there and took it all in. Theatre is one of my passions (that i don't really express too much) and to get that experience of standing on a stage... was just so cool. It was a dream come true. So we followed along our little fun tour and stood in the hallway of the dressing rooms. It was great to see all of the actors walking along getting out of costume and it was hilarious because one of the ensemble girls couldn't find her dressing room. Buddy's friend, (Who was the stage manager) then got Adam Pascal to come out and talk to us. He really was a great guy and so down to earth. It was interesting meeting him in real life because if i think about it, i used to watch rent at LEAST once a week. So it was cool! I congratulated every actor as they walked past for doing a great job. And then i saw Anthony Rapp... It was a little sad because he was sick and in his performance his voice gave out a little bit. But i wish he could just know that i thought he still did outstanding because he stuck through his performance and sang "what you own" so great. Another awkward experience was that i was standing in front of a dressing room door... pondering whether i should move or not because someone was probably going to come out or enter it anytime soon. Well two seconds later, the man who played benny walks up to me. I just nicely said "Hi" and he said "Hi".. and then i awkwardly said "Whatsup" because he was awkwardly standing there, as it looked like he was just standing to see what was up and all... and he was like "oh nothing much.... i'm just trying to get to my dressing room." and i was like "Oh ah sorry" and moved. It was really awkward and i got made fun of for the rest of the night. And the best part of my night: We ended our tour and went to the door to walk out side. As the door was slowly opening i heard a voice say "DOOR DOOR DOOR! ITS OPENING" and i looked outside and it was a HUGE flock of people waiting for the actors to come out for autographs. It was pretty cool because they all cheered for us (Thinking we were famous) and even one girl tried to get me to sign her playbook. I guess i would understand that i sort of resembled someone in the cast.. but it was really funny and now i know what its like to be a celebrity. :) oh happy day! 

And PS. Happy Easter :)

Express your truth, Echo your passion

You are sitting in a church

Every sound is echoed through the wooden ceiling 

shooting planks at all different angles

reverb the noise from us all living children

It is silent. 

The tears of faith are strolling down cheeks

Sitting in front of the lives among us

Expressing your soul from the passion you contain within.

You begin to realize, this act effected plenty

Many thoughts and fears along with hopes dreams

or even just a mind that sounds out 

     Thank you

In Envy

We as people shouldn't possibly get angry at others for having fun. 

Its only in envy where we choose to roll our eyes around

And it's only in care when we choose to stop the storm that'll blow lives away.

There is no possible way you can get scarred from living and taking advantage of every day.

I wanna laugh I wanna cry I wanna live. 

I want to see all while i can with a carpe diem

Without throwing down the Jenga in one simple pull. 

But i'm better than that so please don't yell and please dont scream.

I am not that girl you have seen. 

I am safe in my mind of all shady things

And i want to be trusted, because we all know you know. 

So please let me live before i may some how die

Because we as people shouldn't possibly get angry at others for having fun.