Who am I?

I miss my old old friends

Even though at those moments, I didnt appreciate much

But the fact that I never see one person that I cared so much about anymore

Breaks me into bits making me say to myself

What if I saved him

... But he could only save himself

But the others, where did they go too?

People take me the wrong way, but I know that is my fault

I think I am someone that I'm not, but I don't think I'm someone that I am.

So who am I?

I used to have that stabalized group of friends that reminded me of who I was

And who I was proud to be.

There was never that bottomless feeling of nothing

But now they've dispersed and, I dont even know how I will continue

And it frightens me knowing that it may stay this way

But every inch of hope in me hopes it won't.

Every day is a constant reminder of why I wish i could sleep in through the day

Because at least dreaming can put a smile on my face

AAND... the big toss up. 

Finally the sun came

TODAY

is  a day. 

I feel as if I got the world in my hands. 

It's one of those days that gets me through the bad ones

Because I know,

I sometimes,

every once in a while,

fall asleep with a smile on my face. 

But i know the clock is ticking until all seems to fall

So I'm holding on to these moments as long as I possibly can. 

I think it might just be the changing season

WELD ME BACK TO ONE

I am breaking apart every single day

And the only way I could be fixed

is to be welded back together. 

Crazy glue doesn't last too long on this skin. 

Lately it's been me against the world

when every day I face another breaking news story.

Did you hear any of the words my breath struggled to tell you? 

Or did you think i'd forgotten my own feelings?

Obviously, love is hard to erase

Out of all people, you should know.

But I guess you are free to call me out 

on never really holding that love in my own hands

I just held it in that knotted muscle called a heart. 

So if you wanna dance to his tune

Go right ahead

But when I lay under the night sky

and I see you dancing on the stars

it will bring me down below the ground

So I can be reminded once again

that me and my best friend are polar opposites.

She's the consistent winner

Im the consistent loser. 

Dream upon mine.

I sat there in the doorway. It was winter but the breeze felt good. Her cigarette smoke rudely blew in my face, but I didn't mind. This feeling brought me back to my grandfathers house on the lake. I used to visit him in the summer. We'd sit around the table and play cards. The screen door let the wind sift into the kitchen and pass through. My grandpa would be on his 10th cigarette. Inside i'd cry because children hate to see their grandfather's getting closer to death. It's been about 5 years since my grandfather died. I haven't been to his house on the lake ever since. But I will always keep the memories, the smells, everything with me forever. Oh, what i'd do to relive those days. And now, living in my own days. And everything around me seems so worthless. Getting closer to death isn't as big as a deal. "Everyone dies someday" They say. And I think in my mind- someday might just be too soon. But what's the point of living a longer life less-lived? You picture your dream- and then you remember you have to work hard to get there. And then realize- Working hard doesn't always do you good... because there's people like me who quit upon rejection. The girl with the cigarette laughs- "Hah! Rejection? You're only 18! You have many more years to live, where you'll realize there's more to life than this. You just got to wait for people to catch up to your maturity." "Wait?" i think. "Who wants to wait! Why not live now?" My life is on minimum repeat, and something must be done. How long can a person sit there and watch life pass by because its just "Not their time". But No one wants to listen. Because I was the chosen one to be the listener. No I can not communicate well on paper but I can speak and alter peoples minds with my words of wisdom, when they are vulnerable. So I sit there drinking my coffee, listening to someone's fascinating life, as I dream upon mine. 

Work hard - get nothing.

I need to be fixed. 

Everyday a new reason comes around

to just chip another bit of me away. 

I thought I'd be all patched up

But nothings ever as planned. 

It's not a sick mind,

But my surroundings-

They keep me confined in this room

Reminding me I have this blank page so far. 

Every mans nightmare.

to be a lonely failure.

Who wants to help me complete this list?

Green = Seen it! 

Avatar
Titanic
The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest
The Dark Knight
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers
Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace
Shrek 2
Jurassic Park
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Spider-Man 3
Ice Age: Dawn of the Dinosaurs
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
Finding Nemo
Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen
Spider-Man
Independence Day
Shrek the Third
Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
The Lion King
Spider-Man 2
Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope
2012
The Da Vinci Code
The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
The Matrix Reloaded
Up
Transformers
The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Forrest Gump
The Sixth Sense
Ice Age: The Meltdown
Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones
Kung Fu Panda
The Incredibles
Hancock
Ratatouille
The Lost World: Jurassic Park
The Passion of the Christ
Mamma Mia!
Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa
Casino Royale
War of the Worlds
Men in Black
Quantum of Solace
I Am Legend
Iron Man
Night at the Museum
Armageddon
King Kong (2005)
Mission: Impossible II
The Day After Tomorrow
Star Wars: Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back
Madagascar
The Simpsons Movie
Monsters, Inc.
WALL·E
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Meet the Fockers
Ghost
Aladdin
Troy
Twister
Angels & Demons
Toy Story 2
Bruce Almighty
Shrek
Saving Private Ryan
Mr. & Mrs. Smith
Home Alone
Star Wars: Episode VI - Return of the Jedi
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (2005)
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Jaws
The Matrix
Pretty Woman
Cars
The Hangover
X-Men: The Last Stand
Mission: Impossible
Gladiator
National Treasure: Book of Secrets
The Last Samurai
300
Ocean’s Eleven
Pearl Harbor
Tarzan
The Bourne Ultimatum
Men in Black II
Mrs. Doubtfire
The Exorcist

how i feel today.

Right now I just want to run away to a forest. I want to get lost. I am so sick of my life here and every day I find no reason to wake. Every day is a constant let down of my hopefuls. I love life but I hate the fact its going no where. My life is on pause because there's just no reason to start anything new anymore... to some people that is. But I want new, I want fresh, I want something out of this routine. I want a reason to breathe and I want a reason to reach for my dreams. But everyone just seems impossible because they keep telling us, "Sorry... you wont be THAT person". Thank you self confidence for sticking to my side... not. There's no reason to be confident because anytime I'm up the next day I'm down because I was let down. My life would be just the same if i slept all day and dreamt about things that I wish would happen to me. I just want to fast forward until next year because i know nothings up for grabs in the near future. People really make me angry when one bad experience stops them from experiencing it ever again until something better comes along.