Saturday, September 20, 2008

Move Along

I really had one full day today. Getting up early feels so good, but its such a pain to do it. 

I actually spent time with my mom again today. it's making me happy that she now wants to suddenly spend time with me. i think its because my other two sisters are gone... she finally realized that i exist maybe? hmm idontknow... but anyway... after 3 days of going to the mall i suddenly have gotten into fashion. and i am in love with urban outfitters, but it sucks because it is sooo freaking expensive! and speaking of how i have no money, today i was expecting a 200 dollar paycheck because i have been working so much lately... but no it was 120... yeah thats a lot, but i feel like the work i have done lately deserves more. i'd get paid more money mowing the lawn once a week for a month. and that takes up what.... 3 hours a month? hmm and here i have this dream of getting a camera that costs about 1000 dollars. and now, i doubt it will ever happen. I sometimes wonder if im not gonna make in in my career as someone in the film business, because i have no experience making movies. but its hard when you don't have the equipment to do it :(. But it is sure one lifestyle i would love living. 

Tonight I watched the movie "What happens in vegas" and i am so glad i watched it. i have been craving a romantic chick flick for the longest time. It just makes me dream more, but again... that is the thing i need to do lessssss. i still am not doubting myself on somethings that need to be doubted, but its every night when i close my eyes and get into dreams that give me hope. and its listening to songs i could connect to, feeling that maybe the road will turn. everything always comes off as a "rebound" lately, because i never hit the bulls eye. I have never been good at darts. i always hit the wall. I know that i need more practice to even get on the board, but what if i just want to skip the whole practice part and head straight towards the expert level, because the path just looks so wonderful. Like the light peeking through the curtains. It looks as it is shimmering with light. and you just wish to touch it or stand in it, but when you do, all you really can see then is that its just dust, floating around, shining in the light. 
so move along one step at a time... 
you will get there one day....

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